i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
