So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
