I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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