all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
