How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
