I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
