Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
