I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
