Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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