farters have to be the big spoon...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
