I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
