he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
