I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I believe in your delicious
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
