I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
