Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so explain again why im purple
no
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
