First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
