i barfeds in our rink
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
