I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
