just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
