I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
