i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
