So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
