I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
