Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
