my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
