In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
