He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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