she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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