I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
