remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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