He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
