I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
