apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
