I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
