i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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