At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
