Got a toothbrush?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
