So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
