im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
