3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
