So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
