I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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