maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
