Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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