I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
