I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
