She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
