Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
