absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
