you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
